found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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