I want you more than these girls want KFC
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
