Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
