We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
