when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
