You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
