Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I want her autograph on my taint
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
