1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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