If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
