My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
