im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
