There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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