nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
