so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
