So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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