Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
