Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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