I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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