Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
