The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
i think i just lost a toe
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
