He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
