Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
