you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
