Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
now i know why i became what i already was.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
