And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
