It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
