you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
