you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
