You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She's the barista slut.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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