my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
