Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
it's like heaven, but drunker
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
