I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
