he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
