he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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