do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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