I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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