jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
