so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
