O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
