I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
