Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
