You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
