So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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