so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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