Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
