you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
