I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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