K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
