so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
