I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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