Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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